Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

For some unknown reason, this video puts a silly smile on my face, and my spirits are lifted watching this silly guy dancing from country to country. I could watch it over and over again. Check out his webby at www.wherethehellismatt.com for a greater insight on this funny fellow.

BTW, singapore is being featured as well. Its into 3 minute plus of the video.

Hope it brings you just as much joy

Ingenious Ways to Save time and Needle Prinks

Got myself scanned. The day went about in an uneventful manner. As usual, Mike accompanied me, and waited together with me while i waited for my turn at each station.

My first stop at 0930 hrs was the Cancer Centre for Blood Test to check on the Kidney and Liver function. Learned from prior experience, that if you ask, the nurse can help you set the plug as well. So that saves you 2 (or even more if you have tiny veins like mine) needle prinks for the Bone scan and CT. And from countless horrific experience in hospitals, the nurses at the Cancer Centre are the Best-est obscure vein finders (the doctors are the worst cos' they out of practice) **Pats myself on back** So proud of myself to think about that.

Second Stop at 1015hrs: Bone Scan. Got myself jabbed with the radioactive isotope. Proceed to have brunch, cos' have to start fasting soon after for CT scan. After brunch, proceed to the radio imaging centre, to collect the horrific contrast drink, which i need to down, so that they are able to see my insides.

So i save some more time, downing the contrast, while waiting for my turn for the bone scan, while reading pretty current magazines.

Finally, they called for me to go in for the bone scan at 1.00 pm. Took extra long time to finish the scan. Hmmmm... they took "close ups" for my torso area, and even my feet. Radiographer said that they see spots there. Dunno what to say...and think

Anyway, last stop was for CT scan. Nothing eventful... probably cos' am totally zapped of my energy by then.

Went home, and slept early. Sleep provides relief... both from worry and the hustle and bustle of the day's event. Results Out next Monday

Gonna Have my Insides checked...

Yup, the much awaited scan day is just a couple of hours away.

Gonna have my liver and kidney function check
Gonna have Bone scan done
Gonna have CT scan for the abdominal area
Gonna be pricked and poked, and injected with radioactive stuff.

Feeling pretty calm about it.

Other than that, nothing much to blog about...

Five Year Mark...Yay?

As of sometime in mid-July, it will be the 5th year of my cancer diagnosis. I had my surgery on the 04 August 2003. Its probably around this time that I was disgnosed with the cancer. I remembered I was running around like a headless chicken making arrangement for the surgery, making arrangement for nic to be taken care of while i was away in the hospital, handling the paperwork with HR. All these while trying to grasp with the painful reality of the news.

Anyway, doesn't this revelation puts me statistically in the optimistic group of women who are still alive five years later? I always kind of thought the statistic referred to women who were alive five years later without having recurred, but now I'm not so sure that's what they mean.

Perhaps, even in my current state, it IS still considered a victory? Yay....

Despite the aches and pains on my spine and pelvis, I am happy to still be here sucking air, even though I had been hoping for more...

Inspirational Speech by Dr. Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture

This is such an inspiration lecture by Dr Randy Pausch who is diagnosed with end staged Pancreatic Cancer, and has been given 6 mths to live. He is a lecturer by profession, and gave the "The Last Lecture" to rave reviews. Here is a snippet which was shown on Oprah show. He is really candid, and funny, and there are just so many truths in it. Hope you enjoy it

Reformed

I have always loved shopping, and i enjoy buying anything that catches my eye, be it home furnishings, clothings, bags and shoes. Lately, I seemed to have reformed. I don't seem to be very interested in buying anything. I used to have so many wants. I actually have a checklist of stuff that I want to have. Looking at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, I am not too sure which stage I am in right now.

I don't fit into most clothes, so I am not interested in looking most of the time. Being a stay at home mum, theres not much of a need to really dress up. and as such, I am usually in my tanks, jeans and capris most of the time.

Bags - I used to be unable to get enough of them, but since I got my LV Neverfull, I seem to have lost the passion to chase after the next IT bag. Shoes - another big issue. I love shoes. I love heels, and used to be able to walk many miles in my 3 inch heels. Not anymore. And i am not particularly thrilled to wear flatties. sigh...I guess I lost the sense of empowerment those additional 3 inches gave me. I have been wearing my birkis and Clarks pumps for the longest time. I am looking for new footwear, but haven't been really proactive in looking for it.

And I haven't wore make up for the longest time. I really really do need to snap out of it.

Despite all these, I have been having this urge to buy this



Yes, a blankie. It simply look so soft and inviting, I just want to have one of these over my head. And I could stay inside there, and not have a care in the world

Hmmm.......does this reflect anything about my current state of mind? i need a security blanket

Tidying Up

Its like 3 am right now... Slept early yesterday, but somehow work up, and just couldn't get back to sleep again. while tossing and and turning in bed, many random thoughts just fill my head.

Somehow, I started thinking about things I need to prepare in the event that things takes a turn for the worse. Not sure why I am having these thoughs, but it could be the upcoming scans on the 14 july 08.

I have been a member of a forum board for young women survivor of cancer. Though I haven't been much of a contributor, though more of a lurker, the board has been my great source of information and inspiration. Its a US based site, and there are many women on the board who are just like me. Diagnosed at a young age, some as young as in the early twenties. Some are mommies to young children, but all of us have the same affliction. Some of these women has passed on. I had read their posts, some with their desperate pleas for more information, some with a resigned tone, some just completely stop posting on the board after some time, and we know why. Through these posts, I know that when the end is near, in most cases it just comes fast and furious. For some of them, they are gone in like 6 mths after IT hits the vital organ like the lungs and liver. And because of that, I am scared....

I am generally feeling well at this point in time, albeit the aches on my back. I have been procrastinating on tidying up some matters like putting my will in order, and some other affairs. I actually penned a love letter for Mike some time back, which was meant for him, after I passed on, but he found it, read it, and was crying his eyes out. Silly me, I forgot to save the letter up with a password. I haven't written another letter since.

I have read of some other women, who did voice recordings and videos, and wrote letters for their kids. I am thinking of the latter. I would probably write to Nic about things I would probably want to tell her at certain point in her life. But I can imagine her getting these letters and going...urhg...Not another one of those nagging from the grave...hahahaha... Oh dear i hope she doesn't think of it this way.

But I guess, most troubling for me will be my parents. I am an only child, no siblings, and if they are to outlive me, I am not sure how things will turn out. I love my parents dearly, and it must be pretty tough on them. I hope Mike will be able to look out for them if I am to leave this mortal world in an untimely fashion...sigh...

Some other things i would like to do while i am able:
I would like to travel. Places I would like to visit are many, but resources limited. Some of them are
1) Holland (to see beautiful tulips)
2) Germany
3) Spain
4) Greece
5) Switzerland (to see snow capped moutains)
6) New York (to visit Felicia & Jef)
7) Canada (I want to see the Niagara Falls)
8) US (for some outlet shopping, but I haven't much of a shopping person lately)
9) Perth (to visit Dawn and Louis in their new home)

I would like to look beautiful again.... i have been putting on so much weight. I am like a totally different person now. i have lost so much self esteem and confidence since... Anyway, I am trying to motivate myself to work harder at losing my excess baggage.

So far the list is just that. Will add them as we go along

Oh..And the drama between Xiaxue and Dawn Yang...total waste of blogspace an d time! Get a life, girls!

Banned from Disneyland

Thought this is really funny! What were they thinking!