Revisiting - Going for New Implants

Its been a while since i visited or made an entry here. There were attempts to do so during the past one year to sit down and pen my thoughts. But words do not flow too easily these days. Guess i have been bitten by the Writer's Block.

The last few months had been really really crazy. We finally ... after a long delay of 1 year and a massive massive clean-up, got started on the renovation works at my mum's place. Yes, it is way overdued, and through the tears, angry words and drama, the place is finally ready to be renovated. It is no easy task getting there, with almost 20 years worth of stuff, clothing, junk and what mum calls treasures and memories. Mum is a hoarder, and that explains the drama that have been going on for the past couple of months.

Through it all, we did find a stack of letters that Dad wrote to her when he was working overseas, while Mum, as a new mother, stayed on in Singapore. Those letters, yellowed with age, and somewhat brittle, brought back a flood of memories as Mum reads them over again. She found comfort and solace reading them as she felt Dad's concern and love through the words he penned so many years ago.

I found many letters and cards from my dear friends who would drop me a letter periodically during those days they were overseas. I used to look forward to receving their letters, and enjoyed reading about their days in the university and what they have been up to. I guess in this day of electronic age, hardly anyone writes a letter or sends a card. Nothing beats the feeling of holding those hand-written letters in pretty stationery, and the anticipation and delight of receiving them in the postbox. And its also a good excuse to stock up on all those pretty paper and envelopes and stickers.

Health wise, i am not sure if i am doing too well. About 2 months back (August), i had some episodes of breathlessness, and while sleeping, i vividly remembered being out of breath and gasping for air. It felt like a nightmare, but i awoke still feeling breathless and perspiring.
I brought up this issue to the Docs in NUH whom i am under their care. Foreign talent doctor listened intently and increased my dosage for some medicine. Check my blood pressure, gave me new prescriptions, and bid me goodbye - we will see you in 6 months time.

The breathlessness didn't go away. I still have those bad dreams and waking up gasping for air.
And so, i decided to listen to that little voice in my head, and made an appointment to see another Doc at the National Heart Centre. I cannot wait another 6 months, can i afford to? And the little voice in my head has proved itself right again. Things are not looking too good. The echo done last year has a EF reading of 38% (moderate), but its condition has decline to 29%. A normal person has a EF reading of 40-50%. In Doc's words, i am at risk for "sudden cardiac death". er....i wasn't really expecting that. I didn't even come prepared with the extra pair of ears (my hubby) to listen to him say that. And so , i receive the news ... alone...

I was pretty calm, and there were no tears. It was like deva ju yet again. The Doc was kind, and his tone was calm, when he delivered the verdict, but I guess whichever way he delivers the news, bad news is still bad news.

And so, the Docs have recommended that that I get an ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator) implantation. Its a small device, the size of a pager with wires threaded through the veins into the heart. It will help stimulate the heart to restore a normal rhythm, and will give an electric shock to reset the heartbeat if the heart stops beating. macham like battery.

I will be going for the procedure next week. I have been waiting anxiously for the past 2 weeks. I was so afriaid that something will happen before i could go for the procedure. It will be very "sway" if it did. And so i have been trying to be very very calm. Didn't let the little things ruffle my feathers.

So now, praying that the procedure will be successful. Pray i don't get a heart attack while on the opearting table (10%) and that the doc can find the vital veins to hook up the wires (some 5% folks do not have that vein, according to docs. i hope i am not one of them)

And so, i will be out of action at Little Gems for a while, while i get my new implants....a battery operated heart (?)

PS. If you are a family friend or relative reading this blog, please do not ask my mum about my condition. My exact condition has been sugar-coated, so she does not know the full extent.

You know your little girl is no longer little when....

...she tells you that her classmate R has her first period, and she found out about it on .... gasp! Facebook!!

Yes, Nic's classmate R had her first period recently, and decided to share her experience with her peers on her facebook account, not realising that what transcends between her friends and herself on the Wall are all out there for the world to gawk!

And so with that, we had the Talk. She had asked about the Whisper and Kotex ads that were airing on TV, and I had explained briefly about it. Well, this time round, we went into specifics, like what happens, dealing with it, the inconveniences, keeping track of it, etc...woman to girl.

I found this on the web, if anyone of you mommies has problem having the Talk.

Everything you can possibly think of, ranging from books, disposable panties, starter kit, they have it here. Pretty helpful site for inspiration as to what your little girl would probably need to deal with her first period.

Well, I am glad I had the chance to talk to her about it. Its never too early to talk to her about it, though Nic has just turned 9, and still pretty much a kid. Her classmate R will only turn 10 in March'11, which makes her technically 9 years old when she had her first period. I guess girls these days are hitting puberty at a much younger age. Not a good sign, as there had been researches on breast cancer being linked to early puberty.

And so with that Talk, we had another conversation. And that is the power of the social media, and how certain things should just stay discreet...

Moving On

I should have written about this earlier. The results for the androgram is that there isn't any blockages in the heart. (yay!) And so, they were spot on what they had anticipated about my condition. The cardiologist prescribed some medication that is suppose to slow down the pulse rate, and which will improve my heart's condition. So yes, more pills added to my pill box. Wish they have some nice fancy pillbox to make my day. i am currently using the Daiso ones. Functional and cheap. But i think i deserve something fancier...haha...and so, one more reason to go shopping.

And oh, i found this while surfing, and thought this is just so meaningful

The Cross

The young man was at the end of the rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees and prayed.

"Lord, I can't go on," he prayed. "I have too heavy a cross to bear." The Lord replied, "Son, If you can't bear its weight, just place your cross in this room. Then, go to the other room, and pick up any cross you wish."

The man was filled with relief. "Thank you, Lord," he sighed and he did as he was told. Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible.

Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. "I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered. The Lord replied, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in."

When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more blessed than you imagine

************** Author unknown ************