Conversations with Papa

The past week while Papa is in the General Ward has been kind of a bittersweet experience. He was able to breathe on his own, eat and chat with us. How ironic it is that having conversations with him now is such a pleasureable experience. Though he is not making much sense, I actually enjoyed listening to his voice, and hearing him talk. He is funny at times, candid in his views, and can be pretty expressive. I guess I have not appreciate these conversations with him previously when he is lucid and well.

He is delirious most of the time now. Our conversation topics have ranged from his 8 pet elephants to his job being the Sultan of Johor's chief assisant. Though funny initially, it is now becoming more and more worrying. The latest MRI report indicated that that his brain now has multiple septic emboli which is causing his delirium. The docs explained that there is nothing they can do to treat this condition other than continuing with the anti-biotics. There may eventually come a time, where a large enough blood clot will come along and lodge itself in his brain, and thats when he will suffer a stroke.

Papa is immobile right now. His two thin legs are no longer able to hold his weight. His 2 gangrenous toes has now spread to 4 toes, and does not look like it is going to stop its rampage on the rest of his foot. I asked Papa if he is in pain, and he remarked that his foot is burning. Docs are giving him painkillers to ease the pain. Other than that, there is nothing else that the Docs will do.

Yesterday, while we were settling down to a good night rest, the call from the hospital came. The nurse needed us to go back to the hospital asap, as Papa has come down with breathing difficulties. Papa was sent to the ICU yet again. The docs suspected that he has come down with another infection. I really do wonder when this vicious cycle will end.

Sigh...feeling heartbroken