As I read with great sadness the turn of events in Fleur's life, I shudder to think that this is the road that I will tread to my eventual end. This year has been quite a ride. While I relish in the joy of stable results for my condition, I am somehow emotionally affected by the number of deaths in my virtual community of cancer survivors.
Yes, my virtual friends, fellow survivors are dying or who have since passed on. With great disappointment and despair, none seem to have survived beyong 10 years of their metstasis diagnosis, from my observations. Is this how my life is going to turn out? Its been 2 years since my metstasis diagnosis. How much more time do I have? I know I do not have the luxury of time on my side, but I wish I know...
As I reflect on the long and arduous journey that I have travelled so far, I am thankful for the years that i have been blessed with - being my "new normal". Foggy brain, squeaky joints, achy breaky back, compromised sexuality, an expanding waistline, and more recently, signs of degeneration in the bones of my feet - the results of chemo treatments, radiaition and years of drug use define my "new normal". Yes, this is my life now...
Do I wish for life before? Yes, I do. But I harbour a desire for greater things, a better tomorrow...if only there are many many tomorrows coming my way...
With that thought in mind, I am planning for my next vacation...
2 comments:
Do not look left nor right. Live fiercely each day now.
And fight on!
I share this forlorn.
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